Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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