Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
