there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
