Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I will be naked everywhere
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
