Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
