he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Four minutes until I can fart!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
