This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
