i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
