I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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