So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
