I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
