she looked like the before picture.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
