I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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