My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just had sex bonerless
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
