You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
