Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
