Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
