Will you blow on my dice?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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