my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
