EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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