She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
