peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
