I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize