i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
