I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize