at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
