When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize