As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
