my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
