Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
