if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize