I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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