While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
