Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The power of my boobs compel you
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize