so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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