Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
