things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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