Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I've blown a few things in my day
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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