so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
