see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
