i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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