ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
