I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
