Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
