there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
