Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
