ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
