just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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