Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
