Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
we're so committed to being not committed
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
