I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
