I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
