well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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