You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
