I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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