Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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