I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
