u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
