I'm going to jail i love you
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
