My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
