I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
