conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
