I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
