I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You are the jesus of drinking
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
