she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
