it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Quick, to the slutcave!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
