fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hippo gnu deer
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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