she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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