paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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