How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
